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JUST BREATHE DAMMIT!

You are reading this Blog because it has been triggered by a large and unexpected drop in Subscription Numbers: DO NOT PANIC. This eventuality has been provisioned for and Alternative Chat is ready to help you counter what may be a precursor to a legitimate SUBSCRIBER APOCALYPSE. 

Please remain calm and locate your Subscription Drop Survival Package, which will be located under the nearest available Tauren.

Maybe I should have left that Tauren well alone ^^

PLEASE NOTE: Wow Tokens are NON-REFUNDABLE. They can however be used as metaphors, bargaining chips and in extreme circumstances frisbees that are useful for intercepting escaping Subscribers, causing temporary incapacitation and therefore still allowing them to be counted as active players.

Survival Basics.


 1. Quietly chant the following Mantra under your breath as often as required:

WOW is not dying, this is just a blip.
WOW remains the #1 MMO in the Marketplace.
Most companies would kill for this Subscription Playerbase.
I am part of the Blizzard Family and it will protect me.

This will have no discernible affect on anything, but has been proven to make certain individuals feel better about their lifestyle choices. Repeat as often as you feel is necessary.

2. Locate a suitable weapon to fight off the swarms of Journalists and uneducated Internet Experts who will attempt to assert the belief to anyone who will listen that the game is dying. If nothing suitable is available, Blizzard wisely and sensibly prepared the above handy instructional video well in advance to allow players to build the most effective deterrent for themselves. Please wield responsibly. Requires actual Blacksmith.

3. Slowly and deliberately withdraw from ALL FORMS OF SOCIAL MEDIA until the all-clear is given, which can be identified as the moment when Blizzard reassure players that the company will (quote) ‘do it’s utmost to correct the obvious shortcomings that have been identified in Draenor.’ Please note it is unlikely that free game time will be offered in lieu of said shortcomings, but don’t let that stop some of you from suggesting it anyway (see separate document, Launch Day Disaster Planning for details of appropriate and effective Twitter posts.)

…aaaaaaand RELAX!

4. Return to your normal daily routine as soon as possible. Do not engage in idle speculation of any rumours in either General or Trade in case those you are talking to are undercover journalists attempting to glean printworthy quotes on the inevitable demise of Azerothian civilisation. If you are a Blogger, ensure that you have a ‘Warcraft is Not Dead’ Blog Post ready to post within at least 24 hours of the Apocalypse being foretold. Bloggers should also ensure their Warcraft Obituary Post is both current and ready to schedule, plus proof read again that picture post on where you’re going to log out your character when they switch off the servers.

Why do we fall, Boys and Girls?

5. Wait.

No really, just wait. You don’t think Blizzard KNEW this was coming? You seriously don’t believe they were prepared?

NICK OFF ILLIDAN

==

In conclusion? It’s just another day at the office. These guys know what they have to do now, and they know pretty much exactly what went wrong. You don’t need to tell them unless you can be polite, concise and act like a grown up. If you can’t do that? Exit’s that way —–>
For everyone else? Really, you’re just going to have to wait.
Make yourself comfortable, now.

2 thoughts on “The End

  1. So… Up 3 million leading into expac, expac out for 6 months, back down 3 million.. Hmmm. I don't see a problem here other than Blizzard needs another expac ASAP!

    ;)

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