Last night, after helping T above finish Violet Hold for her Karazhan attunement, we moved to Vault of the Wardens, and I suggested that perhaps we could use the Mythic keystone I won for extra loot. On reflection as I write this, that suggestion was at least for my mind akin to asking a recovering alcoholic if they’d like to just have half a pint with you at your local. I’d done no research for these dungeons short of stuff that was required for articles and then swiftly forgotten. Once it became apparent what we had to do I’m not going to lie. I felt sick.


You have to be fucking kidding me

Who thought showing me a countdown like this is a good idea, exactly? Why do I need a countdown to begin with? Oh yeah, because only by putting pressure on people with mandatory timescales will you ever learn the value of just playing the game. Before you all dive in, I get why this system works, and that it is probably massively enjoyable for all those people who don’t have the running beat of ‘you’re not good enough, stop playing’ in their heads. I’m sitting here, shaking now, all too aware that my inability to play this game to the standard required is what got me killed on Cordana, and was then responsible for the wipe that means four other people didn’t get their loot. I DON’T WANT FUCKING LOOT ANY MORE if this is what is ‘fun’ in the eyes of other people as a delivery system.

I don’t care about raiding or group content if all it does is prove you need to be 100% all the time to play.

Everybody else had a whale of a time, or so it appeared. People were really kind too about my failure but you know, it only works when players understand, and when your gaming environment is 100% focused on getting people to succeed? It is so very easy to see why some people will just never do this, because of the anxiety it produces. If you can’t imagine what that feels like? Remember the high you got when you killed any boss that you really wanted, and then imagine someone just punched you in the face at the exact same moment, then imagine that it’s worse than that. That’s a pretty good approximation, and you know it’s then easier to just never set foot in the circumstance to begin with. My husband at least now understands that my machine is part of my issues with response times, after coming and saving me in Suramar and FINALLY allowing access to Arcway and Court of Stars.


And that’s it, you’re fucked.

However, after this we 4 manned the Maw of Souls Heroic in anticipation of running it on Mythic and that’s probably the most fun I’ve had in a dungeon since launch, if truth be told. For me, that means that there’s extra responsibility, but it’s okay if I die, nobody loses anything and I still feel a level of difficulty. If that were doable in all Heroics and the loot was worthwhile, you’d never get me out of them, but it is these extra carrots on increasingly ridiculous sticks that simply serve to highlight for me how just being someone who plays and not someone who relies on gear to play has become one of the harsh realities of this game. Being told to progress that I have to play content to get rewards is absolutely fine. Making me do that is also not a problem at all. I have absolutely no complaints at all with either of these.

However, I’m not doing either of these by choice.

I suppose the problem is twofold: the reliance on where you win to guide rewards, and the inability to provide what is considered ‘parallel’ non participatory content without starting a fight. The only way this game has ever had of showing skill, in PvE situations, is with your gear. I can equip myself now to 850 in the World, and have, and now that means the only way that changes until the world content catches up is in situations where I feel physically uncomfortable taking part. That’s not the problem of the designers and still 100% my issue, it’s fine. It was like that moment at Blizzcon when I realised that apart from one 90 minute section I had no real interest in anything else this company’s trying to sell me, and haven’t for some time. If you won’t buy into the fantasy, who’s fault is that, exactly? I’ve bought 2 holdalls and a lanyard in 3 years, and that’s all I need from the Merchandise department. That’s not their problem either.


All that matters

I’m really not sure where that leaves me now. People politely telling me in Party chat that ‘it’s okay, you were fine’ is never, EVER going to be enough for me to believe, because I know so much about how this game affects people, and in so many disparate ways. I’ve stopped talking in Guild a lot too, because I just feel as if I’ve lost a part of why all the group content matters, when all that you’re doing, in the end, is trying to beat other people’s expectations of your own ability. It doesn’t help I’ve been sick all week, but I can’t help but now confront a reality that tells me that, like it or not, this game is perhaps the harshest critic you will ever come up against, far more than any aggrieved fool in LFR. When you feel you’re not good enough, having a game tell you you’re not and that means four other people suffer at your failure?

I just feel empty inside.

9 thoughts on “Fear

  1. Well I don’t think you should feel bad. If by failing on something you learn something, then it’s still a good thing. Granted, Mythic+ is really something you should only do if you have already done the dungeon and learned the mechanics, that way you already know what to expect, just expect it a little harder and at higher + levels, extra mechanics involved. I was terrified on my first Mythic+ just like you and the visual timer certainly added to that mounting fear, but once you conquer it a couple of times, you will probably really enjoy Mythic +.

    TLDR: Don’t get downhearted, everything is a learning experience, even if it takes a few times to get it right.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I completely agree with Phil, you never improve by staying in your comfort zone and I for one are happy that you are challenging yourself. Next time you do it you will improve, even if it only a slight improvement, it is still progress and that is a fantastic human trait. Keep pushing yourself and with the help of your obvious supportive group, you will start to see progress in Mythic+. I look forward to hearing how increase your keystone level over the next few months. You are doing fantastically with your fitness so it proves when you put your mind to something and apply yourself that progress will happen <3

    Liked by 1 person

  3. My first attempt at Vault of Watchers was in Mythic. It took 3 hours, a fair chunk of that on Cordana. She is the toughest dance boss on the original dungeons. We took multiple wipes to learn each dance-step and there are several annoying transitions that can hurt if you get unlucky (such as when she does her invisible spins and moves the wrong way just before the light bearer reaches out throws at her).

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I feel exactly what you are. I have been told, you are good enough for Mythic +1-5. That it starts getting interesting at 6+. Healers just go balls to the wall tossing huge heals and eating hundreds of mana food after every trash pull, at 75% mana? Eat food, go go go. I do not enjoy the concept. For years people complained about those groups that pulled the entire instance, or tried to sneak past as much as possible in order to get to the boss faster. Now Blizzard has given them a reward for doing so, and an increased reward for beating the clock with 40% time left. I too died several times on Halls of Valor the one Mythic + I did. And the Karazahn run I still need the last boss on? No way I will ever beat a clock on that.

    It’s not for everyone. And do not worry. They and you will still have a reward in your Class Hall come reset day. You get a reward for completing it. The extra rewards come from beating the clock or beating the clock with 40%. Up to 3 chests. If you look at just doing them as a really hard dungeon. Don’t look at the timer or worry about it, you may enjoy it for more of a challenge requiring skill. Not just a headlong unfun evening.

    One thing I will say. We made a guild decision. The focus will be to get raids done on Heroic. While some may want to try Mythic, the level of commitment and additional time to do so, is beyond most people’s reach. Perhaps in later tiers they may go back to try for some. That said, the reason some are ok with it, even though they wish the guild would, is because they have the challenge of Mythic + over 5 to challenge them. So it fills a need.

    I’m old school. Do small LoS pulls, follow mechanics, everyone lives, the boss dies easily, and maybe something drops I don’t DE or sell.


  5. Understand 100% and anyone telling you that you don’t learn until you leave your comfort zone doesn’t get this at all.

    I’d like to do Mythic + with a team I know and trust and that sees any loot as a bonus. I’m not a fan of the keystones to crank the pain – I’d much rather a system that you earned the right to challenge the next level by completing the first – fail and run it again tomorrow. It would encourage more people to try this with less fear and less toxicity swilling around. Like challenge dungeons were before – but with more levels to work through.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Problem is actually with your mentality, not the content. There is no reason you should have a ‘you’re not good enough, stop playing’ approach to a video game you are paying to play.
    Its not a sport that requires hundreds of hours of practice to excel at. Its not even a competitive shooter that requires reflexes and expectation to be able to get a single kill.

    Its World of Warcraft. All you need to do to be good enough for a Mythic+2 is want to succeed. Spend 20 minutes looking into ways you can maximize your damage or whichever role you play and do the dungeon once or twice on a lower difficulty. You now know everything you need to to complete Mythic+ dungeons within the timer.
    Frankly, I don’t understand how its even possible to fail at this. There isn’t even affixes until +4. A +2 is basically just a regular Mythic run with a SLIGHT amount of damage increased.
    You have all the keys to success in front of you. You just need to use them and stop being so paranoid about things that don’t effect you.
    If you really are struggling, I can personally help you. But understand at some point you will have to put away the excuses and learn how to play the game. It doesn’t take more than a day to get the basics. From there, its like anything else in the world. The more you do it, the better you get.


    • I think you oversimplify the problem. First, anxiety is not just “mentality”, it’s a complex psychological issue and becomes a disorder at a certain level. Second, it not only discourages you to try sth, it decreases your performance when you’re actually trying and diminishes the feeling of reward/satisfaction you get at the end. It inhibits your cognitive functions, so your 20 minutes might be many hours for a person with anxiety, not because they are not intelligent enough but because of the cognitive / emotional strain. Turn off anxiety that person might get it even faster than a “good player” hypothetically. Third, regarding the skill set itself, people come from different backgrounds when it comes to gaming skill sets. It’s not just about World of Warcraft. It’s about how you play it, what games have you played before, how old were you when you started, what is your computer literacy – through all those things you acquire skill sets that are not game-specific, but hugely inform how you perform in games.

      Case in point: your own experience, or even your friends’, doesn’t reflect what somebody else is going through, when playing a game. There are no objective measurements of what content requires what, it’s all statistical at most. And how it works for 80% of people out there is hugely irrelevant when you’re in the 20%.


  7. I’ve been saving up the posts, because there’s been a few really thought-provoking ones in a row – as a result most of what I was originally going to say here is covered later, but I just wanted to say sorry that you had a bad time.


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