Once upon a time it really mattered to me that this Blog was a success. I was determined to be popular, and have people discussing my work. That was because there was an overriding need to feel a part of something special and important. It took a while to grasp that what mattered more was how I felt about things, that if I could be happy about myself that it didn’t matter if I wasn’t successful. Many people have asked why I keep blogging when it is abundantly apparent nobody reads posts like these any more, and the answer is simple. This is my way of talking about the game to anybody who cares to listen. Once I rationalised that I don’t need hundreds of people to hear me, just the opportunity to post my thoughts, it all makes perfect sense.
I am finally at peace with this game and the way I express my opinion.
There are those people who think that if I restarted raiding, or was in an active Guild, I’d again feel better able to write more compelling posts. I don’t need that distraction any more. I also don’t need to step back from Warcraft or reassess my priorities, this isn’t about me leaving. I’ll be paying a sub until they shut down the Servers, because I don’t have time for any games right now. Writing as a career has finally superseded writing about Warcraft as a career. There, I said it. This blog, where I set the groundwork and plied my trade for seven years, remains as a physical manifestation I owe to the game and its designers as the inspiration to help me find myself again.
It would probably have happened earlier, truth be told. Had I managed to secure a paid gig sooner, and finally got the validation that I was indeed a capable writer, this journey would have taken a different path. In that regard, the most important lesson you’ll ever learn about ‘Community’ is that if your face doesn’t fit, you’ll never be accepted, regardless of ability. Those people able to look past their petty conceptions of what matters most, who refuse to allow differences to sway their thinking… these are the truly good people in the World. The day I earnt my first paycheque as a Warcraft writer was, in effect, the breaking of my own glass ceiling.
What saddens me most, across all the years of doing this, are bright stars who were driven away by selfish people and their desire to succeed. It makes me even more determined, as I begin the next chapter of my life, to embrace those who care about what I am as a person above the ability to give them something to talk about on Social media. More importantly, I hope one day to pay back all those people who provided me with a Patreon wage in these early months, that I’ll be able to make enough money from my craft to allow this to happen. I would not know ANY of these people without Warcraft as the enabler. I am well aware of this, but I sure as fuck do not intend to use my influence or presence to encourage ANYONE to fund me. The thought of that makes me physically ill.
This blog will continue to post as long as I have ideas and the time to do so. It won’t ever close in a blaze of glory. I won’t dramatically leave or state I’ve stopped playing either, because whenever I have a quiet moment, I’ll be online. I just wanted to make it clear, for the record, I’m not here to capitalise on this game because the amount of people now doing just that don’t need anyone else involved. If anything now, I’d like NOT to be seen as chasing on the coattails of esports and 7.3 because honestly, all the fun’s been wrung out of all of this for me. Part of the reason why I’m not feeling it for Argus is just that: once upon a time we were told stories. Now everything’s a marketing opportunity or a bandwagon. Nope, I’ll keep talking when I feel the need, but I’m done selling a franchise that is being marketed to death.
If you want to talk about Warcraft as a hobby and not a job, I’ll be here.